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Femininity (Hetalia fic)
Title: Femininity
Fandom: Hetalia
Rating: PG/PG13
Characters: Hungary, Prussia, Austria
Word Count: 677
Summary: It surprises her, how comfortable it is to be a girl, a woman now.
It surprises her, how comfortable it is to be a girl, a woman now.
She wasn’t unaware, the way she’s claimed. Of course she wasn’t, she knows how basic biology works. But “I thought I was a boy” is an easy explanation. “I liked being a boy better” sounds selfish. “It was simpler, safer to be a boy” might be closer to the truth, but it is worst of all, sounding cowardly. “I thought my dick would grow in later” is silly, naive, easily dismissed. By far the best option.
It helps that it was him who found her out first. He is exactly the type of idiot who really would think that.
She thinks he might blame himself for her finally giving up on pretending to be a boy, but it has nothing to do with him, really. It’s just that if even Prussia noticed, there was no way she’d be able to hide it for much longer.
It was unexpected, though, how nice it was.
Being a boy, it hadn’t exactly felt like lying, but it had always been pretend. A fun thing to pretend, sure, she had liked it, but she is grown up now, outgrown games of pretend, and it feels right to leave it behind.
She hadn’t realized until she started acting as a woman, how much she loved the gentle swish of long skirts. She didn’t care about anything extravagant, but the simple fact of being pretty is novel and delightful to her. There are plenty of boys who care about their appearance (Prussia and Austria both do in their own ways) but she had never been one of them. Because, she now realizes, what she had always really cared about was what she looked like, as a girl. And now, her feminine silhouette, the delicate embroidery along the edge of her apron, fill her with a quiet joy.
She’s still a warrior at heart, of course. She’s a soldier and knows how to curse like one. She’s still got a temper that’s quick and harsh and loud. She still loves horses and the open air and adventure, still loves a good fight more than most things.
But Austria is nothing if not a gentleman. He is softer, more delicate to women. He would never dream of being cruel to a lady. It is easier, safer to serve him as one. So she rounds off all her edges, reshapes herself to fit neatly into the mould of womanhood, takes on the role that serves her best just as she always has.
Of course there is no way for her to tell him any of this when Prussia comes to her and asks her to go hunting with him.
It’s reassuring to her, makes something in her settle that she didn’t know was out of place, that he doesn’t mind her being a girl, that to him it doesn’t change anything, that he still wants to be friends. But of course she does not accept.
He leaves, looking a little hurt and a little worried under the bravado. And she knows that the worry is for her. Because the other thing the offer means, the other thing he does not say is, “I want you to be happy. I want you to be yourself.”
And she does not say “I am” because he would not know what to do with verbal honesty, and because though she is as happy now as she could hope to be under the circumstances, as to being herself, it is more complicated than she could articulate. She is not entirely herself now, nor has he ever been, and she doesn’t know if she ever will be.
So she explains nothing, and he leaves disappointed. But it’s alright, because soon enough he and Austria are sure to pick a fight, and then she’ll meet him again on the battlefield, lady or not, and they’ll do their best to kill each other, which is an interaction they’re both more comfortable with, both grinning ferally at each other through the blood.
Part 1 of To Know and to be Known. part 2 Part 3
Fandom: Hetalia
Rating: PG/PG13
Characters: Hungary, Prussia, Austria
Word Count: 677
Summary: It surprises her, how comfortable it is to be a girl, a woman now.
It surprises her, how comfortable it is to be a girl, a woman now.
She wasn’t unaware, the way she’s claimed. Of course she wasn’t, she knows how basic biology works. But “I thought I was a boy” is an easy explanation. “I liked being a boy better” sounds selfish. “It was simpler, safer to be a boy” might be closer to the truth, but it is worst of all, sounding cowardly. “I thought my dick would grow in later” is silly, naive, easily dismissed. By far the best option.
It helps that it was him who found her out first. He is exactly the type of idiot who really would think that.
She thinks he might blame himself for her finally giving up on pretending to be a boy, but it has nothing to do with him, really. It’s just that if even Prussia noticed, there was no way she’d be able to hide it for much longer.
It was unexpected, though, how nice it was.
Being a boy, it hadn’t exactly felt like lying, but it had always been pretend. A fun thing to pretend, sure, she had liked it, but she is grown up now, outgrown games of pretend, and it feels right to leave it behind.
She hadn’t realized until she started acting as a woman, how much she loved the gentle swish of long skirts. She didn’t care about anything extravagant, but the simple fact of being pretty is novel and delightful to her. There are plenty of boys who care about their appearance (Prussia and Austria both do in their own ways) but she had never been one of them. Because, she now realizes, what she had always really cared about was what she looked like, as a girl. And now, her feminine silhouette, the delicate embroidery along the edge of her apron, fill her with a quiet joy.
She’s still a warrior at heart, of course. She’s a soldier and knows how to curse like one. She’s still got a temper that’s quick and harsh and loud. She still loves horses and the open air and adventure, still loves a good fight more than most things.
But Austria is nothing if not a gentleman. He is softer, more delicate to women. He would never dream of being cruel to a lady. It is easier, safer to serve him as one. So she rounds off all her edges, reshapes herself to fit neatly into the mould of womanhood, takes on the role that serves her best just as she always has.
Of course there is no way for her to tell him any of this when Prussia comes to her and asks her to go hunting with him.
It’s reassuring to her, makes something in her settle that she didn’t know was out of place, that he doesn’t mind her being a girl, that to him it doesn’t change anything, that he still wants to be friends. But of course she does not accept.
He leaves, looking a little hurt and a little worried under the bravado. And she knows that the worry is for her. Because the other thing the offer means, the other thing he does not say is, “I want you to be happy. I want you to be yourself.”
And she does not say “I am” because he would not know what to do with verbal honesty, and because though she is as happy now as she could hope to be under the circumstances, as to being herself, it is more complicated than she could articulate. She is not entirely herself now, nor has he ever been, and she doesn’t know if she ever will be.
So she explains nothing, and he leaves disappointed. But it’s alright, because soon enough he and Austria are sure to pick a fight, and then she’ll meet him again on the battlefield, lady or not, and they’ll do their best to kill each other, which is an interaction they’re both more comfortable with, both grinning ferally at each other through the blood.
Part 1 of To Know and to be Known. part 2 Part 3